Emerald Nuts are funny

I saw this commercial tonight and it made me laugh. Remember to eat your nuts or they might come after you!

Over the Hill and Back Again

I'm over it! I know I've proclaimed this before but The Hills just isn't doing it. Everything, I mean everything between Heidi and Spencer was staged and it was so obvious it made my brain hurt. Dare I not tape it tonight? I don't know if I'd go that far. It's still fun to watch the car accident.

So this weekend I just caught on to some Bravo trash...have you watched this show Millionaire Matchmaker? I'm a little late on this (season finale already aired) only because I didn't really think I had any interest in a high end call girl service. But then I've discovered that's not exactly what it is. I love the matchmaker Patti, she's tough, very likeable and smart. She's not a douchebag which is so nice. Usually these reality shows have main characters that you'd never want to speak to like Jackie on Workout or Jonathon on Blow Out but Patti seems genuine and really believes in what she's doing. It's not fake, it's not set up...okay it is but it doesn't fee like it.

Moving away from reality programming...please watch Miss Guided on ABC on Thursday nights. Support the sitcom people! So this show basically is about a former geek turned guidance teacher who returns to her alma mater and realizes that she's still a geek. It's a bit weak and a little contrived but the cast is solid- Judy Greer (you know her from her stint on Arrested Development), Chris Parnll (please don't tell me I need to tell you who this is) and Kristoffer Polaha (okay he's a newcomer but kind o cute).

I need to thank the TV gods (Ashton Kutcher specifically) for finally airing a show where teachers are funny and weird. Didn't you know any funny and weird teachers growing up? Teachers are always portrayed in a very serious light on TV and I think it's to their detriment. Teachers can be cool and geeky and that is a wonderful thing. Just a shout out to all my friends who are teachers and pretty cool but NOT weird of course...

I think I need to go now because I may have inadvertently offended someone?

Between the Crappiest Rock and a Fine Hard Place

I still feel like I'm buried under this mess of TV programming.

Did you know Season 3 of The Hills starts up again tonight? I'm gleefully recording that 1 hour premiere! The girls are going to Pair-ree and Heidi is doing something with...what's his name? Oh gee I can't remember. If you don't truly appreciate the power of reality TV and what it does for your psyche well than you need to read Tim Goodman's (SF Chronicle TV Critic) column today.

Oh, and DON'T watch the Return of Jezebel James. It really sucked. I tried to watch the 2nd episode but kept thinking of my unfinished tax return and my laundry on the floor. TV is entertainment people and if it doesn't take you beyond your reality well than it's just bad.

And while I'm on a rant...I'm really pissed off that I have to wait several weeks for my next LOST fix. What about that last episode? Was it not mind boggling?! Michael...I mean...Kevin Johnson is the ship spy!? And why can't he kill himself? But the really big surprise was Rousseau and Karl's demise. Sad, very sad. But maybe Alex will toughen up a bit, she's such a freakin wimp. But I don't want her to get all rambo like Kate. Have you noticed that Kate's hair looks perfectly coifed and her makeup is bit over dressed. While we're still on rant...that is my only complaint about LOST this season- everyone is a little to done up. Shirts perfectly reveal the bulging muscles, hair curls are set in the right place, the breasts are a popping up...let's get it in perspective people- these people are LOST not on American Idol.

[Insert "Sigh" here]

I'm exclaiming a long sigh here, the kind I do on a Friday at 5pm when I'm just about ready to pack it in at the office. You know why? Because this writer's strike really mucked everything up. I feel like I don't know what's on TV and when. All of a sudden I see that a perfectly good TV show just aired last week with Parkey Posey and Lauren Ambrose in it. It's called The Return of Jezebel James and it looks awesome. Hello?! How do I not know about this and how did I miss the pilot last week? Yes, I've been busy. But seriously I really think the TV season is out of whack and I'm watching crap on TV because of it. Oh, and now I'm angry because I just found out the show is from the creator of the Gilmore Girls. Ok, really? Man, I'm stumped that I don't know about this.

So I've made a list of TV shows (NON reality TV programming) that you should be watching NOW or soon (so you don't miss out):

- The Return of Jezebel James, airs on FOX on Fridays at 8pm (ok, the worst time in the world, I'm watching it on HULU and I'll get back to you if it really is to die for)

- The New Adventures of Old Christine, airs on CBS on Mondays at 9:30pm ( this is my new favorite show and I've raved about it before. I caught the last episode and I have to say I identify with Christine on the reefer issue.)

- In Treatment airs on HBO at 9:30pm (I've been catching this for FREE on Amazon Unbox, and if you don't know about this service, too bad for you!)

- Lipstick Jungle airs on ABC on Thursdays at 10pm (I somehow missed the last episode, not sure how this happened, I think the series finale airs this week!)

- LOST, I hope I don't have to tell you when this airs. I mean this is the only good thing on TV right now. Aren't we so sad that Jin doesn't make it to the "final 6!"

PAUSE, SIGH...AND NOW YOU'VE GOT TO WAIT A COUPLE MORE WEEKS:

The Office on NBC returns Thursday, April 10th!

Desperate Housewives on ABC comes back Sunday, April 13th!

AND THE ONES THAT AREN'T COMING BACK until FALL: (Slap on the TV gods, shame on you!)

Chuck
Pushing Daises

'I've Never Dated a Lesbian Before..."

This is a soundbite coming from a D list series I'm watching called High School Reunion. Seriously people there's nothing on TV.

I've been watching In Treatment on HBO though which is oddly intriguing and I can't seem to get enough. I was really bad mouthing this one before I watched it. HBO has a real thing for therapy. But I've always liked Gabriel Byrne and the best story lines are Sophie and Laura. The couple and the vet I could do with out.

And just because it's St. Patty's Day, check out the famous redheads list on MSNBC because you know I am one. A redhead not famous that is...hahaha...And oh by the way, Debra Messing and Marcia Cross are not real redheads! But half of the people on the list are not, why isn't Tori Amos on it? Sad, she's the only redhead crooner there is.

Go Watch This Doc, Girls Rock!

girlsrockmovie.com

Bush's Tap Dance- Terms of Endorsement

The 'ole politics are invading this blog! Check out John Stewart's version of how Bush's McCain endorsement went down in the rose garden. And he also reflects on their love hate relationship.

The Wire: Predictions

Three days to go before the series finale of The Wire and a co-worker (the one who loaned me Seasons 1-3 on DVD) challenges me to come up with at least three predictions. Come Monday we'll see who got what right. I'm no Dennis Lehane, so here are my predictions guesses.

The Red Ribbon Serial Killer
Greggs spills all to Daniels. Recall Season 1, when Prez blinded a kid in one eye during a misguided visit to the Projects, Daniels coached him, Herc, and Carver on what to say to IID. Daniels would also know what to do in this situation. McNulty plants evidence that would allow the Baltimore PD to conclude that the Red Ribbon killer is no longer a threat. Daniels informs Carcetti that McNulty is responsible for the successful $16M drug bust. He brokers a deal so that McNulty will be forced into a quiet retirement. McNulty gets drunk one last time and hangs himself. Following tradition, there's a wake for McNulty in the Irish bar.

The Sun
Fletcher finishes a lengthy, compelling piece on Bubbles. Gus arranges to have it run in a three-part series on the front pages of the Sun. Meanwhile, the London reporter goes through Templeton's bylined stories with fresh eyes. He confirms what Gus suspects: that quotes and characters were fabricated. But Templeton's stories on the homeless are nominated for a Pulitzer. Gus presents the tape recording of the Iraq vet to Whiting who, at this point, doesn't care. Gus quits on the spot. As he leaves the newsroom, he glares at Templeton. Klebanow, the managing editor, kills the story on Bubbles as a favor to Whiting.

Vendettas
Levy deduces that Herc fed Marlo's cell number to the police. He shares this theory with Marlo who orders a hit on Herc. Michael is given the responsibility. Michael's told that if he kills Herc, Marlo will not avenge Snoop's murder. Herc is gunned down.

Miscellaneous
Carcetti becomes more and more skilled at politicking and secures his destiny as the next governor of Maryland... Marla bitterly watches the ceremony where her ex-husband Daniels is named Police Commissioner with Rhonnie at his side... Chris Partlow cuts a deal and confesses about the vacant housing murders. Bunk gets the credit for closing these cases... Rawls gets a boyfriend...

In a world where Burrell can get a higher-paying job and Clay Davis can get acquitted, somehow Levy will get a new and wealthier drug dealer client to represent and The Greek will find another drug boss to buy his imports...

My wildest guess that I don't want to see:
Rhonnie prosecutes the case against Marlo, Monk, Cheese, et al with Judge Phelan presiding. The "source of information" isn't enough and the case is thrown out. In little time, Marlo is back on the streets and the drug trade continues.

It's Like So Totally High School

Awesome! Like totally...This show on TV LAND, called High School Reunion it's so RAD! After 20 years, 14 classmates from the class of 1987 rage on Maui. It's so sweet. They're reunited at a gigantic Real World type house oceanside and not 5 minutes after seeing each other again everyone regresses to high school. The boys rase each other in a pack and the girls are in clusters and giggle. Did I tell you it was so awesome! There's serious drama in the house- one widower, one married guy who's got a raging temper, the blonde popular girl, the jock, the shy boy, a drama queen who cheated on her ex-husband who's there too and a lesbian who's bi curious. Awesome!

Seriously I laughed the entire episode. My high school reunion that never happened would've never been this tantalizing! Especially because I went to a very small religious high school where if you were bad you were kicked out. So not much really happened. So I'll be sure to catch it and you as well. If nothing else check out the "then" and "now" photos of the cast members.

Project Runway 4 - Christian wins!

Just before Heidi announced the winner of Project Runway Season 4, Christian Siriano's eyes were spilling tears. After watching him all season carry himself with a charming brand of arrogance, I was surprised to see him vulnerable. Christian, at 21 the youngest Project Runway contestant, was up against Rami ("I'm passionate about draping") Kashou and I thought the judges were going to disappoint me for the third season in a row by giving the prize to the more established designer. "Christian," Heidi said, "you're the winner." Cheers, applause, and cries of joy broke out at my house.

Throughout the season Christian's excessive self-confidence rubbed more than one fellow designer the wrong way. Even I was put off by it in the early episodes. But he was fun and funny, and incredibly talented. A caliber of talent that warranted forgiveness for his attitude. Christian commanded a little more than his fair share of screen time. His signature adjective -- "Fierce!" -- became such a catchphrase that to hear anyone else use it, including Heidi and Tim Gunn, made it sound overused coming from their lips.

This is how self-assured Christian is:

When Tim Gunn visited Christian to check on how his collection was progressing, Christian took a pair of pants made of feathers off the rack. Tim Gunn, brow furrowed, said nothing as he looked at the feathers. Christian declared the pants "amazing." Tim Gunn still didn't reply. Christian said, "What's wrong (beat) with you?"

Notice he didn't say, What's wrong with the amazing pants I made? He said instead, What's wrong with you, Tim Gunn, for not seeing how amazing these pants are?

And that's how cocky Christian is, this petite guy who'll get to vote for President for the first time in his life this year.

He wanted to win so badly he was crying on the runway. I wanted him to win. Fifty percent of the audience who texted their vote wanted him to win. And there is justice on Project Runway because Christian Siriano is the winner!

I Have News for You!

So Wella has taken up the torch blogging this week to her hearts content while I've been dazed, confused and entranced with the presidential primaries. My eyes have been glued to the screen...watching tickers of delegates and laughing at more magic fingers!

Here's some political funny business from Mr. Colbert for those of you who've got the addiction to!

The Wire: Nice little moments

The payoff watching five seasons of The Wire isn't solely in seeing this Sunday's anticipated series finale. The payoffs were aplenty and they came in those nice little moments sprinkled throughout the show.

Some of my favorites:

• Det. Jimmy McNulty puts on his best British accent to go undercover and bust a white slavery ring. For me the best part was not seeing McNulty get it on with two Eastern European call girls, but seeing Dominic West turn off his American accent and use his own natural English accent.

• Two words: Fuzzy Dunlop.
  
• Back in Season 1, when we all thought Lester Freamon was a dork who made doll furniture, back before we realized how cool he was, there was this one scene when he brings Shardene back to the basement office and closes the door from the envious eyes of the other police.
• Bunk drunkenly explaining that he tried to burn his clothes because he'd slept with a woman who was not his wife and he was trying to get rid of all the trace evidence.
• Pearlman and Daniels having a cozy moment in their bed at the end of the day. Both of them sitting up and reading, talking and laughing. I was skeptical when the storyline of the two as lovers was introduced. I couldn't see the chemistry, couldn't get the attraction. But over time, as with many other storylines in The Wire, the arc worked.

• Stringer Bell holding a meeting with his drug crew and enforcing Robert's Rules of Orders. Poot pisses off Stringer, who charges from behind a podium to yell into Poot's face, while someone else says, "He had the floor!" Probably my favorite scene of all.
• The first time New Hamsterdam came to life. Colvin first had the dealers go there, but there were no customers. So then the customers were routed to New Hamsterdam!
• The ever changing names of the drugs depending on current events or time of year. A couple of memorable ones for me were "WMD" and "Mistletoe" (the latter during Christmas).
• Any shot of the outdoor sign of a hotel that said, "Welcome New Day Co-op."
• Bodie spitting as excellently as a Major League Baseball player.

• Omar going out in his pajamas to buy Honey Nut Cheerios. He pauses to light a cigarette and someone from a second story window drops their stash to him and it lands near his feet. My second favorite scene of all.
• Freamon telling Daniels they can arrest Marlo Stanfield and Bunk has DNA tying Chris Partlow to one of the vacant murders. Daniels's face trying to comprehend all the information he's receiving. I shed a tear of joy.
• A glimpse of Rawls at a gay bar.
• Cutty's womanizing explained away at least twice with the phrasing, "I was locked up for a looooong time..."
• Speaking of Cutty, how he asked Avon Barksdale for money to open a boxing gym for youths. Barksdale asked how much he needed. When Cutty hesitantly said, "Ten thousand dollars," Barksdale laughed and upped it to 15.
• Clay Davis's "Sheeeeeeeeeee-it."

The list goes on...

The Wire: What happens to McNulty?

When McNulty hatched his plan to fabricate a serial killer in Baltimore on The Wire, I nearly lost faith in the critically acclaimed HBO series. The plot was so far-fetched, so absurd, so bizarre that it didn't appear to belong in The Wire universe.

The Wire creator David Simon has said that the McNulty's Red Ribbon plot is no more implausible than Colvin's New Hamsterdam scheme from Season 4. I'm sorry, Mr. Simon, you're brilliant for creating the best TV series I've ever watched, but I don't agree. The New Hamsterdam storyline was meaningful and provocative; it's the stuff of a national debate if only more people actually watched this show.

But now that McNulty has accomplished what he and Freamon had hoped for, and now that Greggs is ratting them out to Daniels, what will happen to McNulty?

Some of my wild McNulty theories:
a. He's killed in an angry mob, his body torn limb from limb.
b. He's threatened with jail (and beatings and rape, etc.) and must cooperate with the police and the mayor. Some already dead homeless guy is pinned as the killer, ending the investigation, and Carcetti and the brass can claim all the glory for saving Baltimore. McNulty goes quietly into a forced retirement.
c. He's executed by the mayor's office and his body is staged as a suicide complete with a planted note confessing that he's the Red Ribbon Killer.

David Simon and George Pelecanos are professional storytellers. They have only one more episode to wrap everything up, particularly this McNulty mess. I certainly hope they don't let me down.

Getting down to The Wire

This TV blog wouldn't be complete without some posts about the acclaimed police drama, HBO's The Wire, the best show on television.

Yes, though I'm the Project Runway correspondent for Juls, I also spend an hour each week watching The Wire, David Simon's analysis of the crumbling of the American city by taking an unflinching yet empathetic look at Baltimore institutions -- its police, working class, politicians, drug trade, school system, and media.

Correction, I watched an hour of The Wire each week only for the last four weeks. I'm a latecomer to Wire fandom and I spent most of January 2008 catching up with the show. I watched about four to five episodes (about half a series) per sitting till I was in sync with HBO's schedule of the current season, its fifth and last.

The biggest buzz on The Wire this week is the anticipation of the series finale this Sunday, March 9. HBO usually releases the new episode a week in advance by making it available to Comcast On Demand customers on Mondays.

But not with the series finale.

Episode #60 of The Wire will be withheld from Comcast On Demand. The audience has to watch it - gasp! - the old-fashioned way, by tuning in to the broadcast. You know, the way television has worked since its inception in the 20th century.

I guess too many people complained about spoilers coming from gloating Comcast On Demand subscribers.

I watched the penultimate episode again tonight. (Again, I say, because I saw it On Demand last Monday of course.) I'm all worked up and I can barely wait till next Sunday when we all get to see how it ends.